Manage your difficult conversation by bringing in a solution

There is a lot to cover about private speaking that we haven’t talked about. And we’ll cover those issues as they come up over time. So far I have provided only the broadest outlines to get you thinking in the right direction. In some ways that’s the single most important part of really developing your private speaking skills: start thinking about them as a set of skills, and be aware of the need to improve.

In terms of managing difficult interpersonal conversations, though, there is one last thing that you should do to improve the odds of something happening as a result of the talk that makes the effort worth while.

Come in with solutions

Whenever you are interacting with someone and there is conflict, make sure your primary goal is to improve the situation.

In other words, don’t start your private speaking with the goal of identifying a problem; any leader wannabe can do that. Simply identifying problems—highlighting what won’t work—marks you as a negative person (even if you’re right) that people will eventually not want to work with, and it only creates new problems for the person or people with whom you are communicating.

Set yourself apart by following up problem identification with a suggested course of action. Your suggestion may not always be taken, but I guarantee that whomever you are interacting with will respond to the effort you’ve shown in identifying a possible solution. And identifying a solution shifts the conversation from one of fault and blame to one that looks forward to an improved situation.