Practice before a one on one conversation

Seriously? Yes.

While I’m preparing for your difficult or important one-on-one interaction, I sometimes find that the process of preparation and of creating mind maps isn’t enough. Either the stakes (for me or the conversation partner) are so high that I’m not comfortable even having the conversation, or the conflict is likely to be so intense that I don’t want to begin.

What can help here is to actually rehearse the conversation.

When planning isn’t enough, rehearse

Grab someone you trust, your wife, a mentor, or a close colleague, and talk through the scenario with them. Review your mind map with your mentors, and ask them to look for flaws in your thinking or blind spots in your understanding of your communication partner’s likely responses.

You might even ask them to role-play with you and work through a mock conversation. If you are going to do this, make sure to include at least one “very worst case” scenario. In this scenario your partner gives the absolute worst (most combative, most confused, and so on) responses to your statements. Once you’ve worked through the worst case, everything else will probably seem a little easier.

Who can help?

When I find myself in these situations, I rely on my wife to help me rehearse them. Besides being extremely perceptive about my blind spots, she is also an analytical person by nature, and often sees sides to the issues I’m trying to deal with that I haven’t considered.

If you’re not married or otherwise “with” someone suitable for this, perhaps a friend or colleague can help. It does need to be someone you’re comfortable with, however, since actually rehearing a conversation can feel pretty awkward.

You can also find some help in books such as Lifescripts, which I’ve mentioned before. This book analyses some commonly encountered tough situations (asking for a raise, heading off potential client problems, and so on) and presents actual scripts for how the conversation might proceed.

The authors consider a variety of ways to help you start the conversation, and provide options for you depending on several responses that you might receive. It’s come in pretty handy when I was faced with sticky situations and was unsure how to proceed.