Listen and learn
Everyone has something to say. Most of the success I have in dealing with people is in making them feel valued, helping them feel as if they have a meaningful role to play in what is going on around them. People in all situations feel valued when they feel they have impact or influence on their surroundings. I accomplish this by listening to them and acting on the good ideas people give me.
Before I make a decision about a change in some process or procedure, I talk to the people who will be affected by that decision. What do they think the problem is? How would they solve it? Does my proposed solution address their concerns? If not, how can we move toward the common goal in a way that leaves them more comfortable? What am I missing?
No matter what your position is—the CEO or the janitor—you are only one person. Your ideas have holes in them. Solicit the input of other people. When you are exercising this skill, don’t present your solution first and ask for their input. Try to lead them through a collaborative discussion that focuses on how they view the situation and what possible solutions might be. Rather than saying “So, the polymerization process is broken. I think we should do X”, say something like “I’ve been looking into the polymerization process lately. It seems as if we could be getting more done here. What do you think? Can you think of a way to improve it?”
This approach accomplishes a great many positive things. I invariably learn something new about the situation, and often this new knowledge results in modifications to my planned course of action. With a solution that more completely addresses the problem, the organization benefits more quickly from my action. The people affected (“stakeholders” if you’re a business consultant) get visibility into my decision-making process, and by so doing receive a little mentoring in the process. They also get to contribute their voice to the situation, and often they get to see their ideas incorporated into the solution. When the decision is finally made and the change enacted, they support it more fully because they feel that they were a part of the decision.
If you do have a solution already that seems to be more complete than what your partner has come up with, slowly work your solution into the conversation, and get feedback. When you come up with needs that haven’t been addressed, ask for input in modifying your proposal from those most affected and from those who will have to implement the change. The strength of your solutions will increase ten-fold, and the strength of your implementations will increase exponentially as all the stakeholders feel connected to and responsible for the solution.
This approach works as well on people as it does on projects and products. If you are experiencing a personality conflict with someone on your team, or if you are mediating a conflict between others, listen to other points of view first. Ask questions and probe for explanations before you hand out punishments or impose a solution. You will be surprised at how complicated seemingly simple situations really are: people conflicts are almost never about what they’re about. No one is really fighting over who does or doesn’t make coffee in the morning. The fight is really about one employee’s perception that another one isn’t pulling his weight on important projects, or whatever.
But you won’t find out if you don’t listen first.
